1 week after the birth of my second child I became a "real" parent. Ríona was in the buggy with her hand out, rubbing against things as she went. She rubbed against a dirty car tyre and got some nasty black stuff on her fingertips. I didn't want her to get that all over her clothes, so I did the only thing I could think of. I took out my hanky, spat on it a little and cleaned her.
Technically, the standard for "real" parenthood is to spit on a hanky and clean your child's face but that wasn't an option. I suppose I could have waited for her to rub her face with her dirty fingers. Maybe next time.